Previously: “The Gallery of Henri Beauchamp.”
The first thing you should know about the “NES Godzilla Creepypasta” is that it’s long. Really long. It’s probably one of the longest pastas that exists; as far as breadth goes, I think it might even trump the Haunted Majora’s Mask cartridge story (aka “Ben DROWNED,” which predates the Godzilla pasta by about a year). Created by sprite artist CosbyDaf, it was originally posted to the website Bogleech during the summer of 2011, bringing readers on an epic tale of love, loss, horror, and redemption at the hands of a questionable NES cartridge. The Godzilla pasta is also one of the most well-known video game pastas — and really, probably one of the most well-known pastas, period. In fact, it’s actually pretty astonishing that I haven’t covered it here on TGIMM before. Mea culpa.
As is the case with “Ben DROWNED,” the effectiveness of the “NES Godzilla Creepypasta” is due largely to the inclusion of additional media — in this case, screenshots of the alleged game. (Remember that whole thing where CosbyDaf is a sprite artist? Let’s just say those skills came in handy here.) Although a lot of the images on the original Bogleech post are broken now, and the dedicated website that later hosted the story appears to be down as well (I’ve been getting a 502 Bad Gateway notification every time I’ve tried to visit it recently), the Creepypasta Wikia has the entire story preserved, images and all. I’m really glad it does; this one is is a really unique and notable piece of web culture. It’s too cool to lose.
Reading it is an investment of your time. But it’s worth it. I suggest settling in and giving it a shot. Just, y’know… watch out for Red.
Chapter 1: Earth & Mars
When I was a little kid, the two things I loved most in life were Godzilla, and NES games. So naturally when Godzilla: Monster of Monsters came out, it was like a dream come true. Well, almost. To sum it up, most of the game revolved around getting through (very repetitive) outer space levels while smashing up tanks and jets, and then fighting against Godzilla’s monster enemies. Overall it was pretty mediocre, but back then I didn’t care. When I got the game as a present for my tenth birthday, I played it night and day, as much as I could.
Unfortunately I had traded the game for Amagon a year later, much to my regret when I found out what that game was like. Recently, I had bought a new NES system, and through a lot of hunting and asking around, my friend Billy finally managed to find a copy of Godzilla: Monster of Monsters.
I was pumped to play my favorite childhood game. It never even occurred to me to ask where Billy found it. He also gave me some other games like Legend of Zelda, Bomberman and some stupid thing called Action 52, but Godzilla had to come first.
So I started the game, and the nostalgia came flooding back like a tidal wave. Godzilla’s 8-bit theme song flooded proudly through the speakers and I was soon grinning like an idiot.
Some people laugh at me for playing such outdated games, but I’ve never had as much enjoyment for any games other than those on the NES. Those 8-bit games take me back to when things were much simpler, more… safe. But after what’s happened with this game I don’t have those feelings anymore.
I had forgotten how quick the fun of smashing things as Godzilla wore off in the scrolling levels. The game bombards you with bullets and things crashing into you from every direction, and you’re too big to avoid most of them. Although my excitement had worn down some, it wasn’t long at all before I got to my first boss battle.
My first opponent was Gezora, an obscure squid kaiju who had never been in a Godzilla movie.
The most annoying thing about fighting Gezora is that he always backs you into a corner and starts smacking you with his tentacle, and you’re unable to move until he gets off you. This move doesn’t do any damage, but it can stall you until the timer runs out and you have to start the fight over, and he regains some health.
It’s as annoying as it sounds. And of course, he did it when I fought him. Only for some reason this caused the game to glitch up, because once he started smacking me, he never stopped. The timer is supposed to end the fight in about forty seconds, but this lasted for nearly five minutes. After a while the graphics started to mess up, with little red blocks all over the place.
Here’s where the first image in the story appears. Keep reading to see it…
[Photo via El Tabernero/Flickr]