Encyclopaedia of the Impossible: Bielefeld, Germany

BielefeldPreviously: The Three-Legged Licca-Chan

Type: UL (Unexplained Location)

Period/location of origin: 1214, Germany; conversely, May 16, 1994, the Internet.

Appearance: Subject appears to be a city in the northwest of Germany. Founded in 1214, subject later suffered greatly during the Second World War; after having been bombed essentially to smithereens, subject was rebuilt, with modern architecture replacing the historic buildings of old. Subject is otherwise unremarkable. As of 2013, its population is approximately 330,000.

Subject may or may not exist, re: The Bielefeld Conspiracy.

Modus operandi: The Bielefeld Conspiracy states that subject is not, in fact, a city in the northwest of Germany. Rather, subject is an illusion created by a shadow organization known as SIE, or THEM. The purpose of THEIR assertion of subject’s reality remains unknown; however, several theories exist:

  • Subject hides former United States President John F. Kennedy; President Kennedy may have been brought there by the Central Intelligence Agency in order to prevent him from revealing the truth about the moon landings.
  • Israeli intelligence agency Mossad acquired subject in order to research two undocumented leylines located in the area.
  • Subject may be the origin point for a tunnel between America, Australia, and the lost city of Atlantis.
  • Subject is a landing pad for UFOs and other extraterrestrial life.

Containment: Although the appropriate containment procedure for subject itself is unknown, targets may determine whether any acquaintances are involved in the conspiracy by asking the following three questions:

  1. Do you know anybody from Bielefeld?
  2. Have you ever been to Bielefeld?
  3. Do you know anybody who has ever been to Bielefeld?

If acquaintance answers “no” to all three questions:

Acquaintance is not part of the conspiracy. Target may safely proceed.

If acquaintance answers “yes” to one or more question:

Acquaintance is likely part of the conspiracy. Target should remain on their guard at all times and disengage at the first sign of THEM.

Additional notes: Should an acquaintance attempt to argue the existence of subject by identifying its railway station, football stadium, Autobahn route, or telephone numbers and postcodes, such claims may be refuted as follows:

  • Bielefeld’s railway station is located on the outskirts of the “city.” Anyone who claims they have “been” to subject by changing trains at this station has likely been fooled by the few buildings visible from it. These “dummy” buildings and facades may have convinced them of subject’s existence; however, a few facades do not a city make.
  • Bielefeld’s football stadium is also located outside the “city”; as such, anyone who claims they have “been” to subject via its football stadium has not, in fact, set foot in subject.
  • Anyone who claims they have “been” to subject by car has likely been led astray by roadwork on the Autobahn. Diversions and detours directing targets to subject may lead targets to believe they have arrived at subject; however, there is no evidence that the towns or cities to which these diversions lead is actually subject.
  • Telephone numbers and postcodes that may exist for Bielefeld serve only as proof that the telephone and postal systems are involved in the conspiracy.

It should be noted that the Bielefeld Conspiracy was allegedly begun on May 16, 1994 in a Usenet post by one Achim Held. Held maintains that he created the conspiracy as a joke; the popularity of the joke, however, remains unexplained.

Recommendation: Do not attempt to visit subject.


The Bielefeld Conspiracy.

The Rational Wiki: Bielefeld Conspiracy.

Conspiracy Wiki: Bielefeld.

Germany’s Latest Conspiracy Theory.

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